Life isn’t about saying “yes” to anything. But it also isn’t about saying “No” to everything. Many times I have heard the phrase that someone was too busy, or had circumstances that prevented them from performing certain actions.

1. Maybe it’s that business you wanted to start.
2. Maybe it was that relationship you wanted to have.
3. Maybe it was that opportunity to do something fun that you convinced yourself you had to work instead.
4. Maybe its that email or text reply that you didn’t send, or worse, that you didn’t receive.

The point of the matter is we are only as busy as the things we don’t want to do. This means we all have a rationed choice as to the things we wish to occupy our time doing.

The same can also be said of people’s reactions to you. “I didn’t have time to write” or “Work has been so busy” or “My mom/sister/brother/nephew was involved in some misfortune that caused me to be absent for several days and not reach out.” While all of these are legitimate and reasonable reasons for a lack of communication from people, it doesn’t dismiss that they chose to exclude you. It takes not even 5 minutes to send a “hey, I’ve been busy, but let’s talk in an hour” or a day, or reply “I’m fine, how are you?” or reciprocate an “I love you” if you genuinely and heartfeltly believe it.

To say “Yes, I got your “I love you” but was too busy at work to reply is an excuse. The choice was made not to reply. You can tell a lot about people not only by what they say, but when they say it. I don’t discount that sometimes people do genuinely miss phone calls. Miss messages. Didn’t see the notifications. That stuff does happen. But does it happen with that much regularity? It’s the 21st century equivalent of “The dog ate my homework”. Because if you miss a notification for one person, then you’re likely missing them all – and that in and of itself will get their attention. 

All of this is to say that it is OK to choose. You can decide you don’t want to reply. You can decide it isn’t worth your time or that you don’t feel the same as someone else. And there are also sometimes ways to communicate that in ways with empathy. The truth doesn’t have to be brutal. 

You can say ‘I haven’t felt like talking” or “I am still working on my feelings” or “I appreciate what you’re saying, but understand I am in a different place.” Sure sounds better than the implication that “I’m too busy (for you)”, “I don’t love you” (or worse – no reply or something that deflects the meaning). While those may be your honest feelings, there isn’t a need to be brutally honest unless someone just is not getting the point of your message.

George Bernard Shaw once famously said “The single biggest problem in communication is the assumption that it has taken place.” Talk to each other. Make time for each other. If they don’t make time for you (or if you don’t want to make time for them) then it should tell you all you need to know about how they think of you or how they feel toward you and vice versa.

Don’t be paranoid, but keep your eyes open. Because sometimes when nothing gets said – is when the loudest message of all.